A quick love letter to Black Women that are also the oldest sibling

Hey heyyyy!

If I know you like I know me, then I know you need a deep breath, so do that and then come back to this letter. If you didn’t listen, that’s natural for us lol. But imma need you to take that breath and whatever else you need then we can get to it.

Welcome back! So, the intersection of older siblinghood and being a black woman is…..yup. So much of the things I needed to work on can be traced back to my placement in my family and then in my friend groups, organizations, jobs and with situationships (hehe). I am so organized, I can predict outcomes before they happen and I am a natural leader. And while I still feel pride in these mostly positive attributes, the reality is my physical and mental health suffered so much because of the ways I have had to survive. It’s been a journey to unpack all the ways that I decentered myself for the sake of others, but dear God (Got the reference?), Im here! With that, I wanted to create a quick list of things I have learned and have to tell myself to make sure I am honoring the most important person in my life, me. I hope you can find something to cling onto from this list. Or, in true oldest sibling fashion, create an even better list and send it to me, lol! Okay, here we goooooo!

• You don’t have to give up who you are to show up for yourself. Just apply the same skills to yourself the best way that you can.
• Your family, friends, boss etc. are capable of doing more than you may be aware of.
• People love/like you for who you are, not what you do for them. It’s not the case, if it may be time to examine the relationships.
• Take time to understand yourself outside of excellence and how much you add to your Job, organizations, friend groups, family or other places and spaces.
• Learn the difference between intuition and anxiety, STAT lol.
• You are valuable because you are valuable.
• It’s okay if a plan you make has to change.
• You don’t have to earn your place, you were born with it.
• Guilt is natural, don’t let it control your decisions overall.
• Use some of the magic for your own benefit.
• If everything moves because of us, let’s act like it.
• Its our responsibility to unpack all the things for ourselves, we can’t be “secretly’’ bitter our whole lives (or can we?)
• You deserved to feel like a child, not a parent.
• The pressure is real, the conditioning is real, and we can do something about it!
• If you are giving everyone else everything you want for yourself then you already know what you want, want you need and what you deserve. Go get ittttt!
• You don’t have to protect everyone from hard times, how will others know how strong they are if they are not given the opportunity to figure things out on their own?

In closing, you are worthy of the love, time and attention you give to everyone else. Looking forward to you shining even brighter, boo! Xoxoxo